From Erowid to Dreaming Lucid, I’ve always chased Bliss. Locked in Castles of Imagination, wrapped in Pleasures of the Soul, I was trying to let go, by holding on; but you must let go, to let go.

I’ve been meditating off and on for about a decade now. I started with the promise of Drug Free Bliss and Vivid Worlds of Imagination. How hard can it be to just sit there and do nothing? I gave it up after a couple days. It was literally painful.

I took it up again, later, during a get-back-in-shape phase. I recalled that meditation was done in Full Lotus and Yoga was good for the body. Yoga would lead to meditation and meditation would lead to Drug Free Bliss and Vivid Worlds of Imagination. I gave it up after a couple weeks. The pain this time was less psychosomatic.

Third time’s a charm. On my third attempt, I achieved my Drug Free Bliss. This time through technology; specifically, Binural Beats. Throw on some headphones, get in Half Lotus(don’t judge) and 20 minutes later 5 seconds of Drug Free Bliss. I meditated in this manner a couple times a week for months, but it was such a pain.

It was too much work(much easier now) and the the feeling was fleeting(lasts much longer now). I gave up on Meditative Bliss. I let it go. Vivid Worlds of Imagination were still appealing, but I burned out on meditation. Plus, Half Lotus hurts(doesn’t hurt anymore). I almost wish, I knew about Perfect Pose then. It would have saved a lot of pain.

After I let go my pursuit of Bliss, my fourth attempt at meditation went much smoother. It was much easier to Focus; to focus on Vivid Worlds of Imagination. Ironically, on this fourth attempt, I wasn’t trying to meditate at all. I would simply wake up in the morning, layout in Corspe Pose on my bed, throw on my headphones and bump some Lucid Dreaming binurals.

The combination of less greed and being half sleep was extremely effective. Though fleeting, the visions i saw were truly Vivid Worlds of Imagination, with Drug Free Bliss as a nice bonus. Every day for months, I would extend my nights by dreaming awake. I got better and better at it. I went into deeper and deeper states of meditation till i felt no pain. Ironically, absence of pain isn’t pleasure. Absence of pain is death. Pain is Life.

I died. I was trapped in a body that felt nothing. It was horrible. I believe that, if I could have separated my consciousness from my body at that point, I would have opened up a whole new World of Vivid Imagination. But, Fear won. I gave up on meditation and Worlds of Vivid Imagination.

“Real strength comes when one is no longer afraid. And one can purge fear when one stops grasping–after power, after things, after life itself…” -Kel’eth Ur, Sith Lord

It’s ironic that a video game set me along the path towards the study of mindfulness. I especially enjoy the novelty that the avatar of my inspiration is a general of an evil empire.

I am meditating again, still Half Lotus (screw you Full Lotus) I don’t chase bliss, though it comes. I don’t chase after vivid mind visions, though they are there as well. If i die again, I’ll simply let go.